Need help correcting and improving my poem/caption?
The objective is to tell the viewer about the location I have in mind, and explain its relevance to my life using figurative devices.
PLEASE CHECK IF
-Captions and rich and detailed
-Captions are clear and intersting
-If I used my figurative devices right
-And are these even poetic captions??
-And if my grammar is good
Room(Imagery/Alliteration)
This is not just a place I sleep in. This place provides solitude, inspiration, and comfort with it's plain colored walls, glowing lamp and laptop screen. A place of perfection, drink coffee in the morning, play video games, homework, and pretty much everything.
Hospital (Imagery/Parallelism)
It’s white roof covered by white snow, the big grid glass window on top of the door. An essential for everyone. Ensures that I am free from any diseases and other problems. This is were my first breath on earth started and probably where my last breath is going to end.
(City im living in right now)(Imagery/Simile)
The sad vibe of lifeless birch trees and leafless plants, the very dangerous icy roads, caws coming from a lone crow sitting on a stiff power line. As cold as space in winter while as hot as a volcano in the summer. Despite all of that, it’s a peaceful and a quiet town perfect for living the rest of my adolescent life.
Highway(Imagery/Symbolism)
Visible yellow and white lines, sometimes covered by compressed snow. The electric post and pine trees standing still like a statue. The white snow ambience and the light blue sky emits a very positive and soft feeling. A location that allows me to go from place to place. Everytime I see this location it inspires me to give my life a certain direction.
School(Imagery/Metaphor)
A very wide building, with incredible amount of windows creating a paranoia that someone is looking from the other side, the Canadian flag waving violently, the different types of vehicles dropping off students. Hated by a lot of shallow students, but its the dictator of my future, the privilege of learning and experiencing new things is something that I truly appreciate.
Airport(Imagery/Onomatopoeia)
Different check in stations such as the Red-orange, blue,and white colours of Delta. A red and white Coca cola vending machine and a silver metallic garbage bin on the other side. The "vooom!!" sound that plane makes above you. The ceiling, white with a gray square frame design. A place where I go for exciting vacations or visit my dearest ones back home.
Basketball Court(Imagery/Personification)
A place that inspired me to love the sport. The joy of bouncing an orange ball repeatedly and shooting it through a netted hoop being held by an aluminum post. The physical and emotional benefit that it has is priceless.
Church(Imagery/Irony)
A white cross on the very top, the unique design of multiple triangular roofs, the bell radiating a very vibrant tune. Where people reinforce their faith in a higher power, but a place where it fueled my disgust in one.
Grocery(Imagery/Pun)
The simple array of tan, brown, and maroon colours enhancing and creating contrast with the green name of the store. The sound of sliding metal from the automatic door and the smell of dirty wet snow through the black rug creates an unpleasant experience, but will soon change upon entering the store. Food gives me the energy to keep moving everyday, therefore olive it.
(Home Country)(Imagery/Hyperbole)
An extremely crowded place. The annoying sound of honking cars, the pungent scent of pollution caused by vehicles and factories, millions of people living in poverty, kids as light as a feather. Despite all of this, I will never forget the fun times with family and friends, and will not forget that this is where I was born, my motherland.
The objective is to tell the viewer about the location I have in mind, and explain its relevance to my life using figurative devices.
PLEASE CHECK IF
-Captions and rich and detailed
-Captions are clear and intersting
-If I used my figurative devices right
-And are these even poetic captions??
-And if my grammar is good
Room(Imagery/Alliteration)
This is not just a place I sleep in. This place provides solitude, inspiration, and comfort with it's plain colored walls, glowing lamp and laptop screen. A place of perfection, drink coffee in the morning, play video games, homework, and pretty much everything.
Hospital (Imagery/Parallelism)
It’s white roof covered by white snow, the big grid glass window on top of the door. An essential for everyone. Ensures that I am free from any diseases and other problems. This is were my first breath on earth started and probably where my last breath is going to end.
(City im living in right now)(Imagery/Simile)
The sad vibe of lifeless birch trees and leafless plants, the very dangerous icy roads, caws coming from a lone crow sitting on a stiff power line. As cold as space in winter while as hot as a volcano in the summer. Despite all of that, it’s a peaceful and a quiet town perfect for living the rest of my adolescent life.
Highway(Imagery/Symbolism)
Visible yellow and white lines, sometimes covered by compressed snow. The electric post and pine trees standing still like a statue. The white snow ambience and the light blue sky emits a very positive and soft feeling. A location that allows me to go from place to place. Everytime I see this location it inspires me to give my life a certain direction.
School(Imagery/Metaphor)
A very wide building, with incredible amount of windows creating a paranoia that someone is looking from the other side, the Canadian flag waving violently, the different types of vehicles dropping off students. Hated by a lot of shallow students, but its the dictator of my future, the privilege of learning and experiencing new things is something that I truly appreciate.
Airport(Imagery/Onomatopoeia)
Different check in stations such as the Red-orange, blue,and white colours of Delta. A red and white Coca cola vending machine and a silver metallic garbage bin on the other side. The "vooom!!" sound that plane makes above you. The ceiling, white with a gray square frame design. A place where I go for exciting vacations or visit my dearest ones back home.
Basketball Court(Imagery/Personification)
A place that inspired me to love the sport. The joy of bouncing an orange ball repeatedly and shooting it through a netted hoop being held by an aluminum post. The physical and emotional benefit that it has is priceless.
Church(Imagery/Irony)
A white cross on the very top, the unique design of multiple triangular roofs, the bell radiating a very vibrant tune. Where people reinforce their faith in a higher power, but a place where it fueled my disgust in one.
Grocery(Imagery/Pun)
The simple array of tan, brown, and maroon colours enhancing and creating contrast with the green name of the store. The sound of sliding metal from the automatic door and the smell of dirty wet snow through the black rug creates an unpleasant experience, but will soon change upon entering the store. Food gives me the energy to keep moving everyday, therefore olive it.
(Home Country)(Imagery/Hyperbole)
An extremely crowded place. The annoying sound of honking cars, the pungent scent of pollution caused by vehicles and factories, millions of people living in poverty, kids as light as a feather. Despite all of this, I will never forget the fun times with family and friends, and will not forget that this is where I was born, my motherland.
1 Answer
Instead of Room or Bedroom try Sanctuary (alliteration)
Explanation:
Alliteration is the repeating of the same letter or sound so start with a S word. as a title Sanctuary
This space is my Sanctuary saving me from stress, sounds, giving me solitude, sleep, inspiring me, sipping coffee, seeking perfection, slipping into the alternate reality of video games, studying My space my safety , my security , my bedroom.
