Can someone please Proof Read my Writing? (Grammar, Conjunctions, how to improve some sentences, etc..) Thanks.
The Significance of a Family
Everybody has a family, either biologically through genetics and or socially such as having someone to take care of you. The importance of a family is extremely crucial for a child's development, help us financially and help us bring purpose to our lives.
Proper development is a crucial factor that will determine whether or not one will become successful. Having supportive family members will allow us to achieve this properly. First, it is essential for a child to develop socially, such as having proper manners, having good friends, and so on. But, not providing a child the appropriate social skills will eventually lead to the child being seen as rude, or even get bullied for not having the right social skills. Physical development is another aspect that a parent needs to consider to a child's development. Parents who take proper care of their children such as feeding them properly, making them play sports, teaching them proper hygiene and so on, will help the normal physical development of a child. Lastly, a child's mental state is also something that needs to be taken into account. If a child grew up in a family who were very abusive, then the child's mental development would likely retard or get damaged.
Another importance of a family includes their ability to help each other financially. For example, if a member, unfortunately, gets ill then family members could help pay the medical bill, but it's good because here in Canada, there's healthcare. A second example would be education. Kids typically who are going to college won't have enough money to pay for tuition so he/she must rely on the parents to pay. A final example would be if a kid wants something for leisurely purposes, such as a phone, toys, traveling and so on, the parents could provide. For the most part, there are a lot of financial benefits that can come from families, such as medical reasons, educational, and leisurely purposes.
Furthermore, having a family brings purpose to our lives. To explain, what else are we going to do besides working our entire lives. It is very upsetting when ignorant people, especially teenagers, say, "I don't want a child," or "Kids are a pain in the *** so I wouldn't like to have one." Like what do these teenagers know? They've been taken care of their whole lives by their parents. Although, as a teenager myself, the readers could see this statement as ironic or hypocritical. Secondly, we are all going to need love once our parents have passed, without love we are likely to become depressed and being alone is proven to shorten our lifespan. The best way to get love is by forming a family. Finally, the experience of having a family like the idea of creating another human being, raising them, having fun with them, and so on, are the reasons why having a family is a worthwhile experience. In closing, doing something besides work, have a better quality of life, and the journey of having a family are the main reasons that supplement the purpose of our lives.
In closing, the development of our being, having financial support, and providing a purpose to our lives is the primary significance of having a family. Having a family from conception until death is something that we all desire. Either biologically and or socially, everyone has a family that should always respect and support its members.
The Significance of a Family
Everybody has a family, either biologically through genetics and or socially such as having someone to take care of you. The importance of a family is extremely crucial for a child's development, help us financially and help us bring purpose to our lives.
Proper development is a crucial factor that will determine whether or not one will become successful. Having supportive family members will allow us to achieve this properly. First, it is essential for a child to develop socially, such as having proper manners, having good friends, and so on. But, not providing a child the appropriate social skills will eventually lead to the child being seen as rude, or even get bullied for not having the right social skills. Physical development is another aspect that a parent needs to consider to a child's development. Parents who take proper care of their children such as feeding them properly, making them play sports, teaching them proper hygiene and so on, will help the normal physical development of a child. Lastly, a child's mental state is also something that needs to be taken into account. If a child grew up in a family who were very abusive, then the child's mental development would likely retard or get damaged.
Another importance of a family includes their ability to help each other financially. For example, if a member, unfortunately, gets ill then family members could help pay the medical bill, but it's good because here in Canada, there's healthcare. A second example would be education. Kids typically who are going to college won't have enough money to pay for tuition so he/she must rely on the parents to pay. A final example would be if a kid wants something for leisurely purposes, such as a phone, toys, traveling and so on, the parents could provide. For the most part, there are a lot of financial benefits that can come from families, such as medical reasons, educational, and leisurely purposes.
Furthermore, having a family brings purpose to our lives. To explain, what else are we going to do besides working our entire lives. It is very upsetting when ignorant people, especially teenagers, say, "I don't want a child," or "Kids are a pain in the *** so I wouldn't like to have one." Like what do these teenagers know? They've been taken care of their whole lives by their parents. Although, as a teenager myself, the readers could see this statement as ironic or hypocritical. Secondly, we are all going to need love once our parents have passed, without love we are likely to become depressed and being alone is proven to shorten our lifespan. The best way to get love is by forming a family. Finally, the experience of having a family like the idea of creating another human being, raising them, having fun with them, and so on, are the reasons why having a family is a worthwhile experience. In closing, doing something besides work, have a better quality of life, and the journey of having a family are the main reasons that supplement the purpose of our lives.
In closing, the development of our being, having financial support, and providing a purpose to our lives is the primary significance of having a family. Having a family from conception until death is something that we all desire. Either biologically and or socially, everyone has a family that should always respect and support its members.
1 Answer
See explanation
Explanation:
And/or, not and or (first and last paragraphs)
The last sentence of your first paragraph is a bit awkwardly phrased in my opinion. It isn't that the importance of a family is crucial to a child; the family itself (do not add importance) is crucial to a child. I would probably say "Families are extremely crucial to the development of children..."
I'm not sure what the requirements are, but in most formal essays, third person must be used. Do not use words like "us" as you did in the second paragraph. Additionally, in the last sentence of your second paragraph, you used "were" instead of was. "If a child grew up in a family who were abusive" is incorrect; was must be used in place of were.
Another requirement of formal writing is that informal words and contractions such as "kids," "it's," and "won't" are not used (unless, of course, it is in a quotation said by someone else that you are using for evidence). Words like child's can be used because the word is expressing possession, they are not contractions.
In the last sentence of your second to last paragraph, you used "in closing." In your conclusion, you started off with "in closing." Don't repeat phrases. I would also not suggest using "in closing" or "in conclusion."
You also used "to explain, what else are we going to do besides working our entire lives." I would not use "to explain" in a formal essay (again, I do not know if you are writing formally, I'm assuming you are). Additionally, the second half (after the comma) sounds like a question. I don't think you should include this sentence.
Generally, I think your writing is decent, but I do think that your second to last paragraph in particular is weak and lacks precise evidence and support. I think you could do with a bit more evidence (not just your own reasoning) in all of your paragraphs. While you bring up good points, they're not well-backed with solid facts or quotes.
